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How to Rebound HARD

• Street Rat Media LLC

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This week the Rats discuss how to win the break up by rebounding HARD. Nora toasts her loser bf with friends, Ali shares her exit strategies by emotionally cheating, and Tara pokes holes in Benny Blanco’s game.

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SPEAKER_00:

Have you tried using the tears as lube? No. Now you're on to something. We're your hosts, Tara, Nora, and Allie, and you're listening to Bad Advice Only. We're just three New York City rats talking about scurrying around the Big Apple. Here, we make the New York City mistakes so you don't have to. We're begging you. Leave us a review and follow us on Instagram and TikTok at BadAdviceOnlyNYC. We release new episodes every Monday, so stay tuned, rats. Welcome back, rats. We've missed you. Woo-hoo. I like that. I hope the mic picks that up. The little rat chatter. Yeah. So before we get started on today's episode, we're going to be talking about how to rebound hoard. Can we keep saying it like that? Hoard. How to. I'll just say it once so that people know what you're saying. So that people can understand me. But really what we're saying is how to rebound hard. Hard as fuck. Okay. But yeah, before we get into this, I have some controversy. Oh my God. Noria thinks I'm going to get taken for this opinion. So apparently it's... Not a cool opinion. Have y'all watched or seen at least clips of the Selena Gomez interview with her boyfriend or fiance? Benny. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a hot topic right now. Women are flooding the internet being like, I would do anything for my man to talk like that. What? I don't give a fuck about that talk. Walk the walk, motherfucker. I don't believe a goddamn word he says. What do you mean walk the walk? He bought her like a$50 million ring. Okay, but no. I don't care about the fucking ring, Allie. That's the talk still. I believe Benny. I think he's a nice guy. That being said, he's still a man, so how great can he be? He'll still cheat. That unibrow will still be between someone else's legs. I didn't watch it. It's heinous. He's so pre and like I hope he is that nice I really really do I hope and maybe that's why he did it just to put some hope out in the world because men are men's like lives are plummeting right now but I just don't believe him I think Selena's brainwashed and she's just like nodding along is that men can't win here yeah correct like they're either awful or they're fake nice that's all I've seen so far I mean I kind of agree like that's actually a good point he's just talking the talk we'll see time will tell time will tell time will tell my fingers are crossed for Selena she deserves love she deserves the highest of standards the highest of men however time will tell after her time with Jay Bieber she deserves the world Jay Biebs fuck you Bieber we're not believers on this podcast apparently Hailey Bieber stopped following him on Instagram these are the kind of things I don't care about drama apparently I do wait wait quick quick aside to like drama between spouses and stuff one time our parents no who sorry one time drama one time I got mad at a boyfriend because he was watching football on his phone while we were supposed to be playing mini golf with my brother and sister-in-law so I deleted every photo off Instagram of us together but we didn't break up talk about that's crazy Nora I've seen these like lately like What's the pettiest thing you've done to a boyfriend or girlfriend? Nora will always win. I'm queen petty. We have so many stories. You're so petty. And maybe this is a really great transition. How to rebound hoard. How to rebound hoard. Say it. Whored. You're saying whore. Whored. Which maybe we are saying whore. I love a rebound. How to rebound like a whore. I don't know what the agenda says, but I love a fucking rebound. Well, Nora really pressured me on today's outline about not being so intense. My outlines apparently are too long. She writes really detailed outlines. She writes it like she's writing a thesis. She's like defending a thesis. It's my favorite part about this. She's like the rats Zara was born in 1995. What's on that outline? Okay, it's very bare bones. I felt very nervous because Nora was giving me shit last night for it. So today I want to talk about how to successfully rebound after a breakup. In past, Nora has talked about, you know, how to take the breakup. You take it like a champ and it's going to leave them wanting more. It's going to leave them regretting. But what do you do after that? Because you know you're not going back to them. We're not going back. Well, in some cases. Sometimes we do. For like six months or so. I don't. We're all different. We're all a little different. Sometimes you fall back and he puts a thumb in your asshole, but that's not directed at anybody. You know what? That did happen to me. Right. Oh, is it my example? That's very funny. You're like, weird. That's so spot on. Spot on. Deja vu. Okay, so I was thinking about how the three of us all rebound. And I wanted to talk first about Nora. She takes the breakup. She's right in the face, handles it well. Right in the face. Third time's the charm. Third time's the charm. Yeah, listener, I was once broken up with three times by the same man. Quick aside. Quick aside. We had friends from Europe come into town this week, and they were like, how's Nora and her boyfriend? And I was like, oh, my God. They broke up for the third time, and they were like, what the fuck? They could not keep up with the story. No, me neither. I think back then. I'm like, why did he break up with me that time? Like, I don't remember. Yeah, it's mostly because he was hungry. But she did do her rebound hoard after that breakup and threw herself a motherfucking party. Yeah. Tell us about your party. I mean, I think it should be standard. I think it should be for everyone. A breakup party. A breakup party. To be fair, though, your breakup party got some interesting responses, RSVPs. Yeah. You know, I thought I'd get more sympathy than I did. We got a lot of people being like, hey, I'm out of town. I mean, to be fair we sent the invite same day so basically okay so I'm sorry I took over you start you got broken up with then what happened I got dumped we sent out a group chat mass group chat saying hey it's me I've been dumped again and we're gonna rage

SPEAKER_01:

meet us at this bar this

SPEAKER_00:

time I'm pretty sure in the text it was like believe it or not I've been dumped again should I try to find it somewhere in there but yeah so we went out and raged and I think you should always do that when you go through a breakup but I think there's also rules to the rage um i think we agreed that you have to cheers to um i think you have to what was the you have to make a toast so you all have to say something bad about the the person the ex

SPEAKER_01:

yes and then if you get back

SPEAKER_00:

together and you end up going the distance and getting married whoever was at the breakup party that goes to the wedding does a cheers at the wedding oh yeah i forgot about that we all were allowed to write a eulogy yeah a eulogy with no holds bar let me tell you that That night, I heard some crazy things about, like, what do we call him? Bitch Boy Benjamin. Real name. Great name. But, like, y'all were saying some crazy shit. Like, people were like, his teeth were so bad. No, that was me. That was me. I still stand by that. But, you know what? I said that to you while you were dating. She was like, I don't like his little teeth. I was like, no. They were like little chiclets. Yeah, they were bad. They were bad teeth. Yeah. You know what? The teeth, you can't help it. You can do some, but you can't help some. I'll say it's better that someone says it's teeth or something physical than like You know, you hate everything that your boyfriend stands for. For sure. I really thought he had a small head. I said it while you were dating. I said it after they broke up. His body was way too big for his head. I could never see him spot on because he's like eight feet taller than me. I got so many weird comments about his physical appearance. Oh, it was mostly physical? I guess he was just ugly. What do you think if men were to throw a breakup party? They would obviously attack the physical. About me? Nature. No, anyone. They would obviously attack our physique. They'd You might say we have bad pussy. We're talking about it. Bad pussy. They definitely don't talk about it. They just go out and flirt. Yeah, that's true. Men don't talk. They flirt hard. Oh, you think men are rebounding with sex? I don't think men are rebounders. I don't think men know how to rebound for sure. I think men rebound emotionally, not physically. Yeah, and I think Allie might be a man in this scenario. I'm always a man. She's on the... You know, we don't need a male perspective on this podcast because we have Allie. Allie we're at.

UNKNOWN:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So, North, there's a party. Allie on the flippity-flop. does absolutely nothing to rebound. I

SPEAKER_01:

just sit there

SPEAKER_00:

and wallow. She just cries. She's just like a sad girl. She's an emotional... She's just sad. But I will say, she does slightly emotionally cheat in her relationships. All the time. She really does. Allie's an emotional cheater. She keeps these men on standby. She keeps them on lock. Yeah, as you should. You know how easy it was the night Rave Daddy and I broke up. I had like six guys that I was like, would you marry me though today? And they're like, yes. I've been waiting... Are we in a relationship? Why do we text every day? I'm like, I'm not ready yet. But you had six men ready to just get straight to Jersey and give it to you. But, yeah, Allie doesn't really do the physical rebound, I would say. She always waits, like, a good amount of time, at least from what I've experienced. Have you ever physically rebounded, like, within a couple days? A couple days? That's what a rebound is. Yeah, that's a rebound. No, like, a couple weeks to months. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. The closest I got was after Ryan. Real names on this podcast. He's always been Ryan. I can say his last name. Makes poutine in Union Square. What'd you do to him? To be fair, whatever she says goes because he cheated on her with a threesome. And came home and slept with you. And that's all we know about, right? It could have been much worse. That's what he confessed to. I like to think that if you're confessing, you just confess it all. But like, you know, he's saying he just kissed her. Like, yeah. Oh, yeah. Come on. So this is a fun topic. So no. So I after him, I went out that night. I remember I went out in fight. I was like a bunch of my friends that I never go out with thinking I would rebound. And then I cried the whole night. Yeah. As I do. And then like, I think a week and a half later, maybe I met the German guy. Wait, German Matt? Yeah, German Matt. Interesting. So he was a rebound physically. Technically, yes. Nice. Aw, that's kind of cute. Yeah, that's kind of sweet. Ten years later, still boning. Still boning. That's adorable. Are you over Ryan at this point? Yes. But I just mean like every time I seem to go through a situation, there's my little German Matt. That's kind of nice. You have a standby rebound boy. Okay, so Allie is a rebounder. She is a sneaky rebounder, but no, she's a rebounder. She's just emotionally cheating on her boyfriend. That's true. Yeah. I like that about you. One time I broke up with a man. In the morning before work. 8 a.m. 8 a.m. And then after work, I went out to dinner with our friend and showed his pants, AJ. Shout out. Shout out. It's been a minute. And then that same night, I was making out with a 45-year-old. Oh, that's when you were living with me. I remember this. Yeah. And he offered to get us a hotel so he could go down on me. Did he not live here? He, like, had his brother in town. He probably lived with his wife or something. His brother was in town. No, there was no wife. Come on. You don't know that. I guess I don't know. She goes, come on. Jerome Cologne crying at a bar. You're the victim here. No, I was crying at, I was fully crying at the bar and I made out with him and it was very funny. And then he like wanted to date and I was like, I don't, why? Why? That is terrifying. I don't know, some men get really horny by tears. That's a kink. I was literally like, maybe he thought he found the one. I was literally sobbing and I was like, yeah, you could like just go down on me but like, that's all I'm really ready for. And then he was like texting me for weeks being like, I really want to take you out. And I'm like, I really don't think you do. Not my verse, but you're in it. You did do well. You did end up hooking up with someone like two days later. I always end up, when me and bitch boy Benjamin broke up like round two. You got after it. I went on like three dates in one night like two days later. And I actually didn't end up sleeping with anyone. But then when we got back together, He kept implying that I did, and I didn't correct him, because I was like, stop breaking up with me. What a little bitch, boy. Okay, yes, stop breaking up with me. I literally never reassured him. He thought I slept with people the whole time we dated after that, and I was just like, yep. Two problems here, and I'm getting so riled up thinking about it. Number one, yeah, stop making my sister single, and maybe she'll stop sleeping around. Right. Two... stop insinuating it and implying it. Just be a grown man and ask if you need to know. Or just know you fucked up and therefore I fucked all your friends. I didn't, but you kind of wish I did. It was on your list of pettiness. You're like, I'm going to sleep with every one of his friends, including the girls. Fully legit, there is one friend he has who if he reaches out today, I will fuck him. Oh, that hot guy? Yep. The second that guy hits me up, I will fuck him. And he has my number. Ooh, it's coming. I give it six months. He'll text. Come for me, baby boy. I have this flashback memory of maybe the I don't remember the second time he broke up with you. First or second. And you were at a coffee shop literally in the East Village and you were like, hey, come meet me. I'm just getting coffee. And it was like 32 degrees outside and you were wearing like this like cute little skirt and like crop top. And I was like, where the fuck are you going? It's like 2 p.m. on a Saturday. And you were like, must look cute now that I'm single. Yeah. That is part of my like breakup routine. I like get hot every day because it just makes me feel better, honestly. That's what they say you're supposed to do. yeah like I like genuinely will dress up and put on my makeup on a normal day which I never do but like I like it because then dudes look at me and like hit on me which I get you know it's just like a self esteem thing I don't do that self esteem thing oh but I love it and then I like to be mean to them I'm like sweatpants Chinese food grease on the sweatshirt wear it five days in a row that's the classic like breakup yeah Ally does embody a lot of the like classic breakup girl like just bursting out in tears randomly Mine, now that we've discussed you two, mine is somewhere else. I think you're kind of a rebounder. I'm a hard rebounder. The minute you walk out of my life, I am on it. Wait, can you talk about when you and Old Balls broke up? Baby girl,

SPEAKER_01:

I have that

SPEAKER_00:

list. This is actually crazy. This is like a hard reset. Okay, so yes, listener, I rebound hoard. I immediately text the last five guys I fucked before my relationship. I immediately unpause him. It doesn't matter who it was. I go fucking ham on my clit. And there's a little bit of a story behind old balls. So bear with me, listener. Old Balls and I did have a hiatus where we broke up for like a day. No. You broke up with Old Balls in your mind. You guys never officially broke up. Let's get real. No, no, no. This is a different story. This is a different time. You can't rewrite history. Excuse me. This is a different time. I broke up with Old Balls one time in my brain. Yes. Then I fucked jalapeno dick. Then I really did break up with Old Balls. Okay. Like with your words. I'm not telepathy. With words. Yeah, yeah. Nora was here for this. So I call Nora. She's in her room. I'm in my room. That's right, listener. We're rich. Our apartment is so big. We don't share a wall. Was he in the room while you were calling? No, I broke up with him over the phone and I called Nora to come in and I was like, I just broke up with old balls. And she's like, what? Why? Things seem to be going well. We were planning our annual lake trip. And listener, you've heard about this. We go to the lake in Georgia. And he was supposed to come. However, little did I know he was drunk during this conversation and we're texting about planning our trip. I forgot that he was a little bit of an alcoholic. Yeah, he had a drinking problem for sure. He lets me know, hey, I'm really not sure if I can make it anymore. And I was like, why? I thought we cleared it with the daughter. His daughter, she was staying with mom that weekend. Like, what's going on? How can you not go anymore? Yeah. Blake Tripp landed on his ex-wife's birthday. Oh,

SPEAKER_01:

yeah, I forgot about this.

SPEAKER_00:

And he wanted to spend her birthday together with his ex-wife. And I was like, I'm confused. Can you explain? Which one do you love? Can you please explain? I would have respected him if he was like, It's my daughter's first time. It's her first like six months in America. I want to make sure she feels like supported. And the three of us, I'm just going to take them out to dinner. I could maybe, maybe tolerate that. But he was wasted without telling me he's wasted. And he's like, I don't know. I just, I miss her. And I was like, what? May I interject here? Please. It was also your birthday that same week. So yeah, this is where it... Really, it's fucked up. Her birthday was... two days before mine. So he had the ex-wife and the current girlfriend to choose from. And he chose ex-wife. And he chose ex-wife. So I was like, you know what? This is getting really weird. You're drunk and telling me you want to spend your ex-wife's birthday with her. We're going to break up. And, like, I did not mean it. I really liked him then. I was, like, really into it. I forgot. You spent a lot of that week crying. I was so sad. I was, like, not ready for the breakup, even though it should have happened. It should have been then. It should have been then but I was so not ready so I do my old thing I look back at the old records and I identify the last five men I fucked and then I redownload hinge and I just start going ham I schedule dates I I hear back from one guy we'll call him the British guy oh I miss him he's so cute he and his friend are starting a podcast I heard maybe we can collab let's collab so he responds first eager beaver and he's and he also lives like a block away from us back in the day last time we slept together and he's like hey I actually moved he lives now a block away from old balls stop dating men in his vicinity I know dude I feel like I've got like this like magnet now it's weird it's cause it's in fucking broke ass Brooklyn it's actually the nicer part of Brooklyn thank you very much so anyways Britton and I are gonna hang out the very next day and I'm like I'm gonna get it and fuck old balls fuck this guy the next morning of course I hear back from old balls he's like I'm so sorry I don't even remember what we talked about. I was drunk. You're 50. I don't think you should be blacking out at 50. I say, no, thank you. Turn right back around and go into the same bar and meet the British man five minutes later. The same bar. Same bar. Did you fuck him? Yeah. Yeah. Horde. whore whore whore that's what we're talking about I have to say there really is something about fucking someone after a breakup that like heals the soul like it really does it does Ali you need to get on this train you need to it's like I have no one currently to break up with maybe the marine I don't know the one that just ghosted me recently Jesus she's gonna be married in a week next time around like it's so healing after like cause the you know at the end of a relationship it's always bad there's like months of like this drama and back and forth and like they're just so draining on you and like even if you're having sex it's not like the same and then you just have this uncomplicated sex with a better dick and I'm telling you it heals you fully like I feel 100% after I have sex with one person. I can't get wet right after. Like, I am so emotionally devastated. My tears, my wetness from my pussy comes out of my eyes. Okay, here's your solution. You grab that man's face. You push it down to your vagina. No, no. And you say spit. I can't do it. I'm dead inside. Have you tried using the tears as lube? No. Now you're on to something. In a way, I used German mat. I got a rebound from the dad. Did you? You were still seeing the deck. And you were like emotional slash physical cheating. Yeah. Now that I'm thinking about it, Ally doesn't need to rebound because she's just cheating. Like she's just cheating the whole time. She has guys constantly texting her, I would treat you better. I like you. No, 100% of my life doesn't make any sense. Like Friday, Mercury's in full retrograde. Like I'm telling you, I had on Friday night like six different guys texting me that came out of the woodworks and I just keep them all around. It's always like that. It's like, dry, dry, dry all week and then nine of them. And I'm like, where were you? When I'm in a full-blown relationship, I feel as though it's like the... Dry, dry, dry. So dry. No, and like, I feel like it's a test to see if I really like them. It's like that three-month marker. You're like, stop testing me, universe. Dude, I cannot... I never notice hot people. Until you're in a relationship? Until I'm in a relationship. I feel the exact same way. Right. All of a sudden there are hot ass men and women everywhere and looking at me and giving me attention. I'm like, what is this? Is this? Yeah. What is this energy that I'm putting out there that the post is about to get locked down? Mm hmm. The fuck? I think I just want a good lay. Yeah. I don't give anyone a good light this weekend, except for Tara. What? I just wanted to see your reaction. You guys hooked up? I tried. Oh. There was an attempt, I think, this weekend. We went on a throuple date. It was Allie, Ray, myself, and piece of shit. It was very romantic. And we tried to make it an orgy with his neighbor. And his sister.

UNKNOWN:

Ooh.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, neighbor showed up with his sister, and it was a real boner killer. I thought that it was his wife, and I was like, this isn't going to work. Why not? See? All right. So when I was thinking about the rebound and like why people do it, so Nora says it cures her soul. It heals the soul. It heals the soul. Here's a couple of reasons as to why we do it in a psychological analysis. One, it's a coping mechanism. Sure. To not feel alone. Well, that's number two, fear of loneliness. I don't think it's a– for me, it's definitely not a fear of loneliness because I don't want to date them. I have yours already listed. It's like an empty void. It's feeling an empty void. I don't think it's a void, Al. It's like a celebration. It is. It's like a fucking like– it's like a release, a relief and a release. It's incredible. It's kind of like what we talked about on reasons why or signs you hate your boyfriend. You've already broken up with him in your head. Yeah. Nora's basement boyfriend. There's so many things wrong with him, but he's like definitely terrified of being alone. Can't handle it. He got married. Speaking of rebounds, he got engaged like months after we broke up. Like six weeks after, yeah. Literally, he met his now wife, I think, under two weeks after we broke up. Yeah. And he's been in a basement. And we were living together in a basement. Self-esteem issues. Rave daddy. Yep.

UNKNOWN:

You got it. Woo!

SPEAKER_00:

Rave Daddy has terrible self-esteem, like poor guy. Horrendous. A lot of guys who date. I almost feel bad for him, but I don't. I don't know about her at all. A lot of guys who date younger have really bad self-esteem. Like, that's why he, like, brags about dating 19-year-olds. It's like, one, is that a brag or is that disgusting? I'm like, how do you even do that? She can't go out to a bar. And also, why are you telling me? Is this your attempt on getting back together with me, by the way? Has any girl ever? You know what's funny is, like, this whole, like, trope, like, this cliche of, like, oh, he's going to marry someone half my age. Does anyone actually get mad about that or are you just like, ew? Yeah, I don't know. I don't get mad. I'm like, oh. I think the only people that get mad is if there's kids involved in the relationship because then that's like a horrendous example. Like whether you have a son or a daughter or both, it's disgusting. But yeah, I don't think– a typical woman would get mad about it. I don't think you get mad. And just be like, that's so sad. You're like, oh no. It's so gross. Like, I honestly, I would almost blame myself and be like, what did I do to him? Well, I think this is getting a little sad and less funny. They're probably the ones that also have self-esteem issues to be like, okay, well, like, if I try to find someone else, no one would be interested in me because I'm not as young. Yeah, and then they probably think they're so great because they're this older, what they would assume is established person, but all he does is bitch about his ex. It's sad on both ends. Like, we have, like, enough self-esteem to realize that that is disgusting. Right. You know what I mean? But most people are like, oh, my God, let me get Botox and shit. Do you think anyone listening to us thinks we have self-esteem? No. Not one. Not one. The comments are like, these bitches hate themselves. But thinking about old balls, I think he was definitely a coping mechanism. I truly believe he's just looking for his next daughter's stepmom. Yeah. Sad. He's never going to find it.

UNKNOWN:

No, no.

SPEAKER_00:

Maybe before he finds a mom, he should try being a dad. I don't think so. Financially, he was a father. Barely. He just got a real job. Financially, he was alive. Guys, he was a DJ while he had a child. We haven't talked about that enough. Comparable to rave daddies. I got a lot of shit for that. This man's a 50-year-old DJ. I'm not saying one is better or worse but at least Old Balls was being paid for his DJing. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I got a free Rumble membership. Rave Daddy was paid in workout classes. Yeah, why didn't he lose any weight? I love the amount of rage that Tara has for him. Like, she hates on him way more than I've ever hated on this man. You know what? Fool me once, shame on me, right? Wait, what is it? Stop cheating on my friend. Fool me twice, fuck you. No, I really, I gave it my all when we gave him the second chance, and he really scorned me. You know, how fucked up I am. I was like, what second chance? All right, so to recap before we wrap. So Nora's advice is throw a party. Get hot every day. You wipe those little tears away and you get that mascara on. Allie, emotionally cheat throughout your entire relationship so you have someone to coddle you post-breakup. Tara, sleep with anything and everything that walks past you. Which one would you do, Rats? Healthy boundaries. Yeah, Rats, we want to hear from you. How do you rebound? Hoard. Hoard. And that's a great wrap. And while I have you all on mic. What? Guys, I did something really bad last night. What? Is this the episode? Well, stay tuned to find out what Allie did. No, no. I'm going to tell you now because I need your reactions live. What? Okay. Oh, my God. Who did you fuck? Who did you fuck? The married guy. If you fucked Rave Daddy, I'm going to punch you in the face. Guys, I'm sorry. Who? It was Rave Daddy. Last night? Last night. You're shitting with us. Are you joking? No. You're joking. Why are you saying this on my- It's April Fool's. April

SPEAKER_01:

Fool's. Good damn it.

SPEAKER_00:

Toodle brats. As always, thanks for listening. If you're interested in even more bad advice, scurry on over to Instagram and TikTok at badadviceonlynyc. We're begging you. Download and rate the show and leave us a review. Talk to you next Monday. Stay tuned, brats.