Bad Advice Only

Jizz June | How to Fake It (like you really mean it)

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It's Jizz June, Rat Pack! In this  episode of Bad Advice Only, Nora, Tara, and Ali tackle the ultimate bedroom secret: how to fake an orgasm (like you really mean it!). Your New York City rat hosts dive headfirst into the chaotic world of faking pleasure for ego, why some women swear off it (and others still do!), and the wild techniques involved. Ever heard of "shooting the dick out" with a Kegel? Now you have. We also expose the tell-tale signs of a male fake orgasm and debate the societal double standards. Plus, listen for a truly unhinged NYC disaster story and Tara's outrageous "three orgasm minimum" rule. This episode is packed with real talk about sex and dating in NYC you won't hear anywhere else!

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fake orgasm tips, women faking orgasms, male fake orgasms, sex in NYC, dating in New York, Bad Advice Only podcast, raunchy podcast, adult humor, sexual honesty, orgasm secrets, Jizz June

Speaker 01:

I would fake not coming. Like I would come. She would mask her orgasm. We're your hosts, Tara, Nora, and Allie, and you're listening to Bad Advice Only. We're just three New York City rats talking about scurrying around the Big Apple. Here, we make the New York City mistakes so you don't have to. We're begging you.

Speaker 00:

Leave us a review and follow us on Instagram and TikTok at BadAdviceOnlyNYC. We release new episodes every Monday, so stay tuned, rats.

Speaker 01:

Welcome back, Rat Pack, to another episode of Bad Advice Only during the month of June. That's right. Today, we are going to be talking about a skill which you might already have, but you might not admit it. How to fake the orgasm. Before we get started, though, I think we do need to call out the

Speaker 00:

elephant

Speaker 01:

in the room.

Speaker 00:

Tara and I... Hot off the press, sharing a little Mikey Mike action today.

Speaker 01:

We are having some technical difficulties this morning. Nora's about to lose her goddamn mind. And Tara and Ali are now sharing a mic, so fights will ensue.

Speaker 00:

Mostly because Tara didn't want to share a mic with me. I'm kind of like the rat that's been left out.

Speaker 01:

I just assumed you and Nora would share the mic. All right. So before we get into how to fake an O and why to fake an O, Ali, I think you had a New York experience that you wanted to share with the Ratlings.

Speaker 00:

Thank you so much. I do. I don't know if either of you are going to be able to relate to this. And also it happened in Jersey. So let's call the elephant in the room too. It's not as New York as it could be, but New York adjacent. So I signed up for a fitness class last night in Hoboken and it's part of a chain that's here in the city. And I normally go in the city, but Given time frames and my personal life adventures, I decided to take it back home. And I have never been there to this location before, and it was an F-45. It's like standard. There's tons of F-45s around. I have no idea what that is. Yeah, same. Anyway, so I was trying to go to find this gym in Hoboken, and I swear to God that I have seen this before from the little train that goes in between the

Speaker 01:

different boroughs of Jersey, if you will. Oh, the light

Speaker 00:

rail thing? The light rail, yeah. Okay. I'm walking and like all of a sudden an entire street blown out like the entire actual cement is like a sinkhole like completely blown out and I'm like how the fuck do I cross the streets like I can't I'm not seeing the gym I can't cross the street I end up walking about like six blocks farther than I need to just to cross the street and then I'm trying to backtrack to find this gym guys the gym was the gym does not exist

Speaker 02:

no

Speaker 00:

not only did I sign up for a 6 30 p.m class I got there at 5 30 because I knew it might be I might have some difficulty finding this. A whole hour. I keep looking up the address and I keep trying to walk with my Google map. And it keeps saying the gym closes soon at 6 p.m. But I'm like, but I have a 6.30 class. Like, how does it close? Like, there's just so many things that aren't lining up. And then I keep walking around this one complex and I'm... New York moment looking upstairs because it's like this massive right warehouse and I'm like maybe it's through a door like there's a lot of people dressed in gym clothes I walk in and it's a music school oh

Speaker 01:

What? So you stayed and did tap dancing. I literally just got on the train and went home.

Speaker 00:

I was like, I guess I'm not meant to work out tonight. That

Speaker 01:

was probably a sign. Like, you should have stayed and learned some music. Maybe. That was the sign. That is so tragic. Also, side note, having a street blown out, I agree, is such a New York experience. The worst case scenario, though, is when you're on a bike and there's no fucking warning that the street is just fucking non-existent and ruined and then you just... Fall into a sinkhole. Fucking fall into a sinkhole. I have to say, I was in California recently and I meant to send y'all a picture, but I was walking down the sidewalk and there was the tiniest little like disruption in the sidewalk, like this midgiest little sinkhole. And there was a big yellow cone over it. And I was like, my God, these pussies. New York will literally have like a fucking street

Speaker 00:

long sinkhole. They don't even care. To your point, they won't even call it out. One time, Nora and I were walking down the street. I don't think you were with us, but shit his pants, AJ was with us and there was a massive sinkhole. And this guy was up back and when hoverboards were cool. Oh, I was there. Were you with us? Oh, yeah, because

Speaker 01:

of the TV. This guy fucking hit a sinkhole so bad on his fucking hoverboard. And he fell straight on his ass. We all thought he was paralyzed. We all just went, oh. It wasn't like the, ooh, like you're kind of laughing at him. No, we thought his spine went through his throat and he was paralyzed. But also, in the most New York moment, we just passed him by and he did not ask if he was okay. How would we rate that? I think like a four, I think. Oh, I was going to give it a two. Sinkhole's very New York, though she wasn't in New York. She was in New Jersey. She lost points because she was in Jersey. And also, like, I think the more New York moment, because we're just so used to these holes, is not being able to find the fucking address that is in front of your face. Like, you have the address. You're standing in front of the building, but it is not

Speaker 00:

where you should be. No, 100%. It's at 720 Monroe Street.

Speaker 01:

The most New York thing, too, is just having to give up and walk away. home because there's no way you're ever going to find your appointment. Absolutely tragic. Well, Ali, thanks for your how New York was it story. We need to come up with a better name for that segment. But let's go ahead and get into the meat and potatoes, the meat and potatoes, how to fake it like you really mean it.

Speaker 00:

Should we be like, oh,

Speaker 01:

yeah. I knew someone was going to do an orgasm fucking impression. Ooh, baby. She's so loud sitting next to her, guys. As much as I love watching you come across for me, one, I wanted to address... Why should you fake it? Why do we fake it? Slash do we fake it? Oh. Allie, do you fake it?

Speaker 00:

Yeah. Actually, I was thinking about this on the way here. Did you do any research? I'm curious what the percentage of all women would say they fake it. Oh, it's high. It's got to be high. I've

Speaker 01:

seen stats like this before. It's got to be high. I pretty solidly faked it up until I was like 26, and then I stopped. And now you're just 100% honest. I vowed to never fake again, and I don't. I'm 100% honest. If I don't come, I just don't come, and I tell them. Wow. And you tell them. How do you tell them? They're like, did you come? And I'm like, baby boy, you'd know.

Speaker 00:

Why do they ask?

Speaker 01:

Why

Speaker 00:

do they ask? Because they've never made a girl come before, so they don't know who you're talking

Speaker 01:

about. To answer your question—

Speaker 00:

Nora's are mine.

Speaker 01:

Guys, listen to her. She just whispers to Allie, I forgot her question. You know what? Have you faked it before? Yeah, do you fake it? Not anymore, but yeah. When did you stop? Similar to you, I did make a vow that I shan't. I shan't fake it. I shan't not cum. You shan't not cum. Yeah. At all. Yeah. If I know I'm not going to have an orgasm, I just won't have sex. Oh, wow. Because, yeah. How do you know? What's the point? Yeah. How do you know? Okay. If you've drunk too much. True. True. Sometimes I surprise myself, though. Ali, I didn't realize you were still faking in your 30s. I have no honor.

Speaker 00:

I'll fake it. until they feel good about themselves. Is that why you're faking it?

Speaker 01:

To help their ego? It's for them. Okay, so it's for their ego. It's because I'm a good person. That's nice. That's not... That makes you a bad person. You're lying to them. Would you fake it with a full-on partner or just like randos? Not a full-on partner. Because that seems weird.

Speaker 00:

Yeah, like that. I'm like, there's... You gotta communicate. We're gonna have to figure it out, guys. This has been a one-time thing. I mean, I've definitely done it, but like... With a partner? Yeah, but more so because it just... I just was like maybe if I fake it long enough, it'll happen. But it would be like instances where I'm too drunk or something where I'm really trying to push the pedal to the metal, not when I'm like first waking up in the morning trying to nut. Sure.

Speaker 01:

Okay. So that was actually going to be my other point that I wrote down for this epi. There are times where I won't fake an orgasm, but I will fake it. Same. Because, like, maybe what they're doing

Speaker 00:

is... Wait, wait. That seems worse to me than faking an orgasm. How is that worse? Like, faking

Speaker 01:

that you're turned on. No, it's more of, like, me encouraging the other player in the game. Like, they're getting to it. Like, they're doing something right, so I want to... audibly encourage them. You're like, I like that, baby. Yeah, that

Speaker 00:

feels good.

Speaker 01:

No, like moan more. You moan. Yeah, I'll moan more. The theatrics. The theatrics come out,

Speaker 00:

but it's not taking it for granted. I must decide

Speaker 01:

how annoying, I know we've talked about this before, but not on mic, how annoying I find it in movies when people start making out or like touching tit and the girl's like moaning. I don't understand. So that's not what I'm doing, is That's where you're coming, where you're going, where you're going. No, I, we're already in the throes, peeing in puss, and like what they're doing feels good. So I want to encourage it. But it's not going to make you cum. No, I think if we keep at it, it could, but I also have to get my brain in it. You got to get your brain

Speaker 00:

right. So how is that different than what I do?

Speaker 01:

You are faking a full-blown orgasm. Yeah, I think faking a full-blown O is like, okay, it's nice for their ego.

Speaker 00:

But so, okay, so I do the whole build them up Buttercup as well.

Speaker 01:

And then you fake. So you fake

Speaker 00:

till you fake. Well, I think it's a little bit more polite to fake interest and then fake an orgasm and then fake interest and then not

Speaker 01:

orgasm. No. Oh, my God. You're misunderstanding

Speaker 00:

me completely. How I hear you say it is like you're just like, yeah, yeah, right there. It feels good. And then you're like, I did

Speaker 01:

not come. And then everyone's blue balling.

Speaker 00:

Yeah. And then you're just like,

Speaker 01:

no, literally, I mean, fake it till you make it. And like, eventually, if they're doing good. If the player is in the right place, I'm not doing it if they've got their fucking finger five inches from my clit. No, I mean, if it's starting to feel good and I think there's possibility, especially since I know which positions will get me, to achieve an orgasm or to just pletion for just June, I will encourage it before I'm actually feeling it because I do think I'll make it eventually. You'll make it. And it's calculated. It is calculated. Question. Yes. When you were younger and you did fake orgasms, what was your reason to get it over with?

Speaker 00:

Same. Mine's always, like, how do we get out of here sooner? Like, I'm tired. I need to start my day or go to bed. Like, I just want it done. Like, it's a chore.

Speaker 01:

Next question. It's become a chore, yes. Next question, because this is my scenario. When I was younger, I used to fake orgasms. Not with part, like, real boyfriends. I wouldn't, because you've got to sort that out. But with randoms or, like, fuck buddies I would for the same reason. But I had one fuck buddy. And every time I faked my orgasm, he would immediately come. So he just thought we were coming at the same time. Oh, that's embarrassing for him. Every single time we had sex. And I'm like, how does he fucking believe this? What a dummy. Dweeb. Dweeb. I don't know if that's dweeby. It's a little psychotic. So, Al, when you fake, do they come as a next step?

Unknown:

Yeah.

Speaker 00:

It depends. Not all the time. It depends on the situation. It depends on where we are, what the mood is. But then what if they don't

Speaker 01:

come? Then what? You fake another

Speaker 00:

one? How do you get out of this? If they don't finish, then I'm just like, eventually this must come to an end. And I'll just be like, okay. So then

Speaker 01:

no one comes. So that's where I was going to go with this. There is nothing worse than faking an orgasm and then it not ending. And then it doesn't end it. You were so in character. You were trying your best. You were giving it your all you don't get to come but you fake it and then they keep jackhammering right then what then what

Speaker 00:

where do we go from here oh you're not wet anymore yeah no shit take the cue

Speaker 01:

never was baby

Speaker 00:

get it together

Speaker 01:

uh so do we recommend faking it for our rat girls

Speaker 00:

bad advice only hell yeah

Speaker 01:

brother it really depends on the situation we have vowed on this platform that We should not fake it and we encourage our listeners not to fake it. But I do think there are some instances. Like, yes, I want men who have made women

Speaker 00:

cum.

Speaker 01:

They gotta figure it out. Read a goddamn book. Read a book. Read

Speaker 00:

a book. The beak can't make you squeak. You gotta get out.

Speaker 01:

Wait, guys, that's so sad because Allie had a much better. Actually, I don't know which one's better. Those are both great. Allie had a really good one, but the audio was lost. What was the other good one? Face to base. Face to base. We'll pull it out on another episode. Don't you worry. We lost some great audio where Allie described a blowjob as face to base.

Speaker 00:

That's what I'm talking about. You know what I'm talking

Speaker 01:

about. Is that actually a thing? Did you steal that from

Speaker 00:

someone? No, I mean, that's what I'm doing. My face goes to the base.

Speaker 01:

And then if the beak doesn't make

Speaker 00:

you squeak. You run for the hills. Wait, what was the line saying again?

Speaker 01:

If the beak don't make you squeak? Can you imagine a squeaky orgasm? That's Nora's orgasm. That's not squeak I'm talking about. Guys, I've got a really immature aside, which is that when I was in middle school, what people used to do to each other is they'd punch each other in the gut. And then whatever noise you made, they'd go, that's your orgasm noise. What was yours? Whatever fucking noise you made. Someone punched me. I don't know. No, she already threatened to hit me. today. Yeah, we've been fighting all morning. It was fun for me.

Speaker 00:

Honestly, glad I'm not in the crossfires

Speaker 01:

today. Honestly, I think because Allie and I are sitting next to each other, we're more in like this team energy.

Speaker 00:

She likes the two against one when she has

Speaker 01:

a teammate. For sure. Oh, yeah. That's why friendships of three never work. Thank God you guys are blood. That's what's our saving grace here. Is that what's keeping us fresh? All right, ladies, I want to get in to the real nitty gritty here of how to fake the best O of your life and I'm not talking moaning I'm not talking about just the moans you would hear

Speaker 00:

I'm talking about like spitting that dick out with the clit

Speaker 01:

and the puss if you can spit a dick out and listener I hope you know what we're talking about I don't think we've talked about this before the vagina so hard the kegel that the dick is ejected from you that with speed that is a great

Speaker 00:

thing with velocity yeah I do that every time I fake an orgasm shut up I'm like, you're done. I

Speaker 01:

think we need better explanation. Okay, Allie, please backtrack. I'm going to sit back on this one.

Speaker 00:

Imagine you're trying to throw a dart. But instead of it being two fingers with perfect aim, it is both sides of your vaginal wall just pinching together. And then you push. As though you're trying to pee, but it's your Kegels that are contracting. And it just creates such a tight vacuum seal that it literally shits the dick right out of your vagina. That's your fake. That's the fake. But they love it. And then they'll try to go back in. And I'm like, oh, and I just keep doing that over and over again. You're like, I

Speaker 01:

can't because I'm just coming so

Speaker 00:

hard. I'm like, oh, keep going. That's

Speaker 01:

a really good tip, Al. I mean, I don't think I can physically do that, but my God. Just do Kegels right now. I'm doing them right now. Tara, faking advice? Whenever I do Kegels. I get really horny. Anyone else? Whoa. My Kegels have stopped. No. I've stopped doing them. No. You've never been horny around me? I'm not going to lie. I don't really think I physically know how to do a Kegel totally. It's probably why I have so much trouble peeing. It's definitely. My pussy be loose. She's just dropping urine all over the place. I can't drip dry, you know? I do do Kegels when I'm trying to drip dry for sure. I feel like that's going to like shake it off. Sure. What was your question? How, what's your, what's your hot tip for faking? Because Allie just kind of took the cake there. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know if I should even try to follow with that. Give it a shot. It's been so long, but I remember I would definitely moan when I was younger as if like... Oof, that's so cringe. It's so cringe. It's so cringe. It's like a bad fashion trend from your youth. But like luckily for me, I was with men that definitely didn't know the difference between an orgasm or a fake orgasm back then. So like, you know, whatever. But I think my most recent ones I've gotten better with like I think I'm going to steal your thunder, like shaking of legs. Like, you know, when you get a real good orgasm and your legs kind of shake. You just tighten up so much that you cause your, like, hips and legs to shake. And male listeners, if you haven't seen that, Try harder. But that is a really good one because that happens to me when I actually come. You just lose full control. It's like a tenseness. You get so tense that things shake. It's actually more so not when you're coming, but right before you come. I think it's from all the exertion. All

Speaker 00:

the work. Feel the shakes because that's what they say in every Pilates class that you'll ever take. You're like, embrace the shakes. Feel the shakes. That's kind of what it is. That's kind of what

Speaker 01:

it is. When you're like on your tippy toes and squatting, you're like, shake. I think the best way to fake an orgasm is just tell them you're coming like if you because I just voice it well not like that but you know like just say you're gonna come like that will help because they want to believe it you know like I

Speaker 00:

agree I actually think just to circle back on the noise between the two of you like the moaning like doing the opposite is a good tip like pretending like you're coming and just being like with your mouth open but no noise comes out

Speaker 01:

interesting what's funny though is that This is a bit convoluted, so bear with me, ladies. But what's funny is when I come alone, like when I'm masturbating, it's not like I'm out there moaning or anything. You know, like I'm just like... I've gotten a grunt out before. I just like come silently. Like I definitely don't need to make noise when I come. You know what I mean? Like it is theatrics a bit. Like I'm leaning in. But like I can very well come in silence if I wanted to. So this whole faking is a bit silly. So all of it's a little fake. It's a bit silly. It's all a little fake is what I'm saying. It's all a little fake if you're not groaning and moaning when you're fucking yourself. Right. Because are you when you're masturbating? I told you I get a grunt. She gets that grunt. Maybe if I'm really drunk. It's where I have like a sigh of relief.

Speaker 00:

I don't know about y'all, but. Thank God it's over. That forearm is killing me.

Speaker 01:

Guys, I'm throwing out my shoulder when I jerk off. I'm so dead ass.

Speaker 00:

No, we know.

Speaker 01:

Take it up with PT, Nora. Our physical therapist will help you. So anyways, back to the orgasms. I don't know about y'all, but sex for me is. is so pointless unless I'm guaranteed an orgasm. And there's actually a rule in my current relationship that I require three if we're going to do it. Three orgasms? Yeah. Piece of shit. Piece of shit. Good boy. He listens. Or he's good at laying it down. I don't know. Laying pipe. That's crazy. Wait. Okay. I've got questions. Because I'm tired. I love sex. To a degree, but I love so many things more. Yeah, she likes reading in bed. Her and Piece of Shit spend more time reading in bed together than anything. Yes. Eating, sleeping, playing with my dog. Like, I love... orgasms more than all of those things. More than her dog. I definitely love an orgasm more than my dog. Sorry, tiny girlfriend. You don't give me that type of pleasure. Bitch ain't trained. She ain't trained yet. She doesn't know the three minimum rule. She kind of does because she sleeps next to me. Girlfriend's there for the three O's? Hold She's just barking. like cover our eyes that helps like blinding us honestly after reading Fifty Shades of Grey when I was like 17 he does one trick where he puts like music in your ears so I'm like maybe I should try that because it would be nice this is a little side tangent I jerk off with like if I'm watching porn I'll put headphones in and it's way hotter

Speaker 00:

I'm about to derail this because I just keep thinking of if Helen Keller was here that bitch must have had was great you guys are blinding and deafening yourselves to focus in on the oh think about that I'm like this is

Speaker 01:

gonna get dark but like Helen Keller definitely got raped right

Speaker 00:

oh Nora I thought you were making like a dark blind joke I didn't know you were making like a it's not a

Speaker 01:

joke it's like sad I'm gonna try so

Speaker 00:

hard to stay on track yeah rape's

Speaker 01:

sad fuck okay back to me so yes the oral gets me close and then we go into intercourse and then yeah I forgot we were talking about I require three orgasms to make it worth it and not because the sex is bad. The sex is great. But the orgasms is all I care about. And that's when I realized I was like in my like Nora mid 20s probably when I was like no more faking. I deserve a fucking orgasm. And if you don't get no, they deserve to feel a little bad about it.

Speaker 00:

If there's no. Oh, then they're real low. On that sexual totem pole. Wow.

Speaker 01:

We're going to have so much merch with Allie's stuff. J-J-J-J-June. J-J-J-J-June merch coming soon. No, it's not, listener. It's not. No, it's really not. I don't know if this is on your outline, sister, but anything about the male orgasm. I do have that. Fake male orgasm. I'm pretty sure that men have faked with me before. Me too. What? And I find it extremely rude. I do too. Would you rather them just say, I can't come? You couldn't make me come?

Speaker 00:

I'd rather them break up with me.

Speaker 01:

Yeah, just leave. Just walk out. Walk out the door.

Speaker 00:

Get out.

Speaker 01:

Never come back. What? No. Here's the problem with men faking, though. They can only fake if they're wearing a condom. Oh, so they never fake with you, too. Wow. She's calling us whores who don't

Speaker 00:

use condoms. I wear condoms with the dirty ones. I'm kidding. I don't wear them at all. I'm kidding. I'm funny this morning.

Speaker 01:

No, I haven't used a condom in like a month. She

Speaker 00:

got cleared for the mids and

Speaker 01:

she's back on. Cleared for the mids, listener. I haven't had chlamydia in months. She's cleared for the mids and she cured. Huge news. I forgot to tell you. Does Tara know? Oh, I told you both. Well, listener. Listener, I've had HPV for the last fucking decade and I'm finally clear.

Speaker 00:

She's clear. You two have. What did you say you did with yours? She cured hers with healthy eating.

Speaker 01:

They said that I could cure it with healthy eating. Yeah, it's not really clear. cured. Look it up, boys. You guys can't get tested anyway. Doesn't matter. I don't think I've ever had a man fake an orgasm with me. They'll definitely admit if they can't come. I'd rather that. Me too. It's such a societal gender thing. There's something wrong here because women fake and men mostly don't fake.

Speaker 00:

It's easier to know if a man is faking. But if

Speaker 01:

there's a condom, it's hard to tell. I was going to say it's easier for men to come. Thank you. True as

Speaker 00:

well. That's also fact.

Speaker 01:

No, I mean like I'm thinking about like drunken nights or like maybe we've already had sex a couple of times that day. Like they're just dried up in there. Dried up, shriveled up balls. They're used. Used, dick. Ew. Used. But yeah, guys definitely do fake on occasion when there's a condom on. Sometimes, okay, this is the exact opposite, but I just have to share now because I'm disturbed. I had a guy who would come twice in a row And I mean in a row. I know who you're talking about. Fully comes. Keep blowing them or whatever. Fully comes again within, like, two seconds. You should probably get that checked out. I think there's, like, blockage or something in between the blows. Right?

Speaker 00:

It's just rude because, like, you're anticipating one load. Right. Two?

Unknown:

Two?

Speaker 00:

That's rude. Like that's aggressive to think that I'm going to take that for you.

Speaker 01:

Look, in my dream scenario, a guy can just come indefinitely like forever. But

Speaker 00:

here's the thing about coming and jizzing from a man's perspective into a woman. Yeah, I'd love to know your man's

Speaker 01:

perspective, hon.

Speaker 00:

No, it's not the man's perspective. It's the woman's perspective of why it's rude. Okay. Okay. Jizz lives for multiple days. Things they don't tell you in sex ed class. Their jizz and semen are different. Yeah. Right?

Speaker 01:

Wait,

Speaker 00:

what? Yeah. Yes. Sperm and semen are different. Okay. And the spermies, the little tadpole looking guys, live in you after you're loaded inside me. Yes. I don't want the double... The double load because probability is high there. It's definitely higher. And I'm risking the biscuit for you.

Speaker 01:

Y'all, I could be pregnant right now. No joke. I should get my period this weekend. I'll keep listener posted on if we're getting an abortion.

Speaker 00:

Oh, God. I'm glad that we're doing live updates around Nora's sex life again. Is

Speaker 01:

August going to be abortion August? Oh, no. Guys, I'm aborting this baby so fast. Oh, my God. Though the man who might have given it to me has really good hair. Great hair. Great hair. Tim's a girl, you know?

Speaker 00:

Okay, back to blowing loads, you

Speaker 01:

were saying. Back to blowing loads. Okay, I have one last quick aside for you bitches, and I wonder if you guys can relate. And Tara, when I told her this, called me the pettiest bitch in the world and said, we need a segment just of like my petty shit I've done. And this was that, it's hard to say because it's a bit of a double negative. Sometimes, with a particular ex-boyfriend who I hated, I would fake not coming. Like I would come. She would mask her orgasm. She'd mask her gizpletion. I would mask the gizpletion because I didn't want to feed his ego.

Speaker 00:

How much effort does that take to... And then pretend that you actually didn't come. Would you suck it back up? Like, you know?

Speaker 01:

I honestly believe she could have caused a seizure. By thinking not having an orgasm. Think about it. Okay, I don't know about for y'all's level of orgasm, but, like, I kind of black out. Like, my brain short circuits a little. And... Sometimes I go deaf. Exactly. Like, I passed out from an orgasm before. I'm doing it wrong, guys. I've never had either of those. I came to you really quickly. You're faking. So, like, I'm just imagining me enjoying a fucking gispletion. Just blank face. And then just, like, trying to hide it and look like a fucking dead fish.

Speaker 00:

I just couldn't imagine trying to shoot a dick out and then forced by gravity suck it back into me. Okay,

Speaker 01:

well, not everyone shoots the dick every time they come. I don't, for the record. When we make a big alley, people are going to be requesting this on stage.

Speaker 00:

Okay, well, maybe when that happens. Patreon. We need payment for that. We

Speaker 01:

need money, listener. If you can, please send money.

Unknown:

Please.

Speaker 01:

Should we just create a Venmo account for Bad Advice Only? Oh, that would be funny. We'd probably get fucking robbed or something. I don't know technology well enough. Robbed. Honey. She's loud and deaf. She's loud and deaf. Just like Helen. Where's the rap in this? I was getting to it. Well, ladies, thanks for discussing your orgasms or your fake orgasms. To recap, Tara and I have vowed not to fake it. We beg of the rats not to fake it. Allie, keep on faking.

Speaker 00:

Have fun. I'm going to keep doing me. You know, it's working. Keep shooting dick. Still single.

Speaker 01:

Keep shooting dick. All right. See you later, rats, for our next episode in June.

Speaker 00:

Bye, rats. As always, thanks for listening. If you're interested in even more bad advice, scurry on over to Instagram and TikTok at badadviceonlynyc. We're begging you, download and rate the show and leave us a review. Talk to you next Monday. Stay tuned, rats.